I recently had a meaningful conversation with a friend who hasn’t been to church in a long time, and it made me realize that his reasons might reflect common reasons why some people stop going to church. After reflecting on our conversation, I thought writing a post on the topic could help someone who would like encouragement to revisit church.
Reasons People May Not Want to Go…
1. “Bad” Christians have discouraged me from going…
Some of us have felt disheartened by individuals who call themselves Christians but don’t live in obedience to the Bible. If that’s been your experience, I can understand. Some have been wounded by those who claimed to follow Christ but acted contrary. This isn’t a new issue; even in the apostle Paul’s time, it was happening. He wrote:
“For such people are false apostles, deceitful workers, masquerading as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. It is not surprising, then, if his servants also masquerade as servants of righteousness. Their end will be what their actions deserve” (2 Corinthians 11:13-15).
The Bible says that Satan disguises his workers as followers of Christ. Therefore, not everyone who claims to be a Christian is a true believer. Matthew 13:24-30 similarly illustrates that it is often hard to tell false believers(tares) amongst the true believers(wheat,) and it won’t be till judgment when God will reveal the truth. Therefore, we should speak the truth in love if we see someone who claims to be a believer and is in sin, but we also need to trust that God will reward those who faithfully follow him and bring judgment to those who aren’t. And if we truly trust Him, we wouldn’t allow others’ actions to affect our faith and relationship with Him.
God wants us to focus on ourselves and not on others’ walks.
The Christian life is often likened to a race. Paul writes:
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrew 12:1-2).
According to Paul, we are called to resist sin and other weights of this world so they do not hinder our walk with Christ. This includes allowing comparison and other people’s walks to cause us to stumble. Why do we allow those who cheat along the way to discourage us from running our race? Do we not trust that God, the righteous judge, will deal with them in His time? As faithful believers who persevere to the end, we will receive the eternal reward of being with Christ and enjoy the treasures stored for us in heaven. The bible also warns against letting ourselves be distracted by comparison. When Jesus reveals to Peter that he will suffer and die for His sake, Peter immediately turns and asks about John’s future: “Lord, what about him?” Jesus responds, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.” (John 21:20-22). Jesus’s reply highlights an important truth: each of us has a unique calling from God. Rather than comparing our journey to others, we are called to keep our eyes on Christ and faithfully follow the path He has set before us. Christ wants our undistracted attention to Him.
2. I don’t see a benefit to going…
Another point my friend made was that sermons could be summarized in 15 minutes, and he felt people at church didn’t genuinely care about him. They were more concerned with families and kids instead of singles like himself.
We are called to worship Him
King David writes in the Psalms: “Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs “(Psalm 100:2). The call to worship is not optional; it is what God commands us to do. Moreover, if we truly love God, we should be glad to worship Him.
We are called to meet together
Paul writes to the churches in Hebrews: “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching” (Hebrew 10:25). If the Hebrews were meeting together regularly and going to church, Paul wouldn’t have wrote this. God does command us to meet together, but it is also for our good that we can learn from the sermons and love others by encouraging them in their faith. Moreover, King Solomon warns against isolating ourselves. He writes: “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment”(Proverbs 18:1). I think this connection that King Solomon draws is interesting. I have noticed that when I isolate myself, I am left alone with my thoughts, which often can be self-centered. I think King Solomon is saying that we can isolate ourselves because we don’t want to love others or have others speak truth into our lives.
It’s not always about us…
We shouldn’t choose to go to church based solely on the benefits we receive, though I do believe we can learn from listening to sermons and serving others there. Instead, Paul writes: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3). If we think our time is wasted by going to church, we need to examine if we are thinking selfishly. Franchis Chan says on his Crazy Love podcasts that “Worship is not about you. It’s to please God!” Often, we feel like we are the protagonist of the story and everything should revolve around us, but we often forget that Jesus is the true protagonist, and we hold small roles in comparison. Yes, I have also felt that the church does tend to cater towards families, but God has provided people to walk alongside me in singleness.
3. Why do I need to go to church if I can get fellowship with brothers and sisters outside of church?
Someone once told me they didn’t feel the need to attend church because they already had a group of Christian friends they regularly hung out with and played games with. At first, I wasn’t sure how to respond, but after giving it some thought, I realized there are several important reasons why being part of a church community goes beyond just spending time with Christian friends at home.
Iron can’t truly sharpen iron if you’re only surrounding yourself with handpicked friends who agree with you
I was talking to my Dad about this, and he mentioned Proverbs 27:17. My footnote in my ESV study bible talks about the “interaction of a good man who encourages and corrects, honing one’s skill in handling challenges”(ESV Study Bible). Relationships at church can be challenging, and it is through dealing with the sinfulness of others and ourselves that we can grow to be more like Christ. We are called to speak truth to one another, as Paul points out to the Hebrew churches. He says:
“Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin” (Hebrews 3:12-13)
Paul calls us to speak the truth to one another. It can be hard to fulfill this commandment if we only hang out with friends and don’t intentionally have spiritual conversations. Additionally, close friends may sometimes avoid confronting each other about wrongdoing out of fear that it could damage their relationship. In contrast, being in a church allows for more opportunities for sharpening one another.
It’s hard to find discipleship among your friend group…
The bible talks about the importance of discipleship for our spiritual growth. Titus writes to the churches in Crete:
“Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled”(Titus 2:2-6).
I’ve been part of two multi-generational small groups at my church (Lighthouse), and it’s been a joy to walk alongside people who are older and wiser than me. It’s also a privilege to journey with those who are younger, finding ways to encourage and disciple them. When I was in a relationship in the past, a gracious couple mentored us, and I learned so much from their guidance. I also wouldn’t have met my current and past disciplers if it weren’t for the connections I made through church. If you are only interfacing with friends your age, it will be hard to disciple younger believers and find an older person to disciple you.
Submitting to church leadership is important
Another important reason for attending church is the guidance and oversight provided by spiritual leadership. Paul writes to the Hebrews, “Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account” (Hebrews 13:17). While submitting to church leadership may not be the primary motivation for most people to attend, especially since it can feel intimidating, it’s a vital aspect of spiritual growth. Many of us haven’t attended seminary or possess deep biblical knowledge, so it’s wise to seek guidance from those who are theologically trained and equipped to teach. We should not assume that we know and can interpret everything in the bible correctly. It is important to walk alongside those who can guide us. This is why I love taking theology classes at my church. Lastly, church leadership is important in calling out our sins and keeping us accountable as per Matthew 18.
4. I just can’t see myself going to church every week…
My friend told me that he feels overwhelmed with having to go to church every Sunday. If you haven’t been to church in a while, you may also feel overwhelmed. It’s like being asked to run a 5K marathon if you haven’t exercised in 10 years. I’d be overwhelmed too. I believe God is calling you to take a step of faith. Maybe that means starting by listening to a sermon or making it your goal to attend church next week. Pray and see how God can change your heart. Remember, God loves you deeply, so much that He sent Jesus to the cross to bear your sins. He longs for you to draw near and spend time with Him.
Life Is Like A Board Game…
My friend really appreciated this analogy, so I thought I’d share it. Many of us spend our lives chasing after the treasures of this world—success, wealth, and status, etc. It’s a lot like a game of Monopoly. We work hard to buy up properties, build houses, and aim for the highest-paying job. But at the end of the game, everything—money, houses, and playing pieces—gets packed away, and we return to real life. The hours we invested in the game don’t carry over once it’s over.
In the same way, our time on earth is brief compared to eternity. I’m guilty of this, too. As I talked with my friend, I felt convicted about how I can easily place my hope in finding a job or relationship, rather than in Christ and investing in things that last forever. One day, I’ll also have to “pack up the board”—earthly jobs and marriage won’t follow us into eternity.
So let me ask you: Are you playing the game wrong? Are you clinging tightly to things that only matter in this life? What would it look like to invest in eternity instead? We can’t bring material possessions to heaven, but what we do for God’s kingdom will build treasures for us in heaven. Honestly, this conversation with my friend gave me so much joy and reminded me of what truly matters. Maybe that first step is simply turning your heart back to God—spending time with Him, praying, or going back to church. Don’t wait until it’s too late to start living for eternity.
Walking Not By Sight 