Some younger brothers in Christ asked my advice on online dating a few weeks back so I thought I would write a post on the topic. I have been using online dating for the past five years with one relationship that formed from it. I’m not sure you can say that is very successful but here are some things I have learned.
1. If they don’t write about God on their profile, chances are that they aren’t very serious about their faith.
Some may disagree but in all my years of dating, whenever I matched with someone who didn’t write about God, they either were not attending church weekly or told me they were struggling in their faith. I got enough of these to a point that I no longer liked profiles that didn’t write anything about God. On the flip side, just because they write something about God, doesn’t mean they are a strong believer. I have chatted with a seeker who wrote about God but wasn’t really actively seeking Him. I suggest being intentional about asking about their faith sooner rather than later. On the dates that went well, the guy would ask me about my testimony which I always appreciated.
2. If you love God, you should look for a believer.
If you love Christ, you would want to be with a believer that can help you grow to be more like Christ.
“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness.” – 2 Corinthians 6:14
Paul warns us that being unequally yoked can drag us down in our faith because the non-believer will influence us even if we claim to be in control. I have seen so many believers dating non-believers and it pains me to see them stray from the faith.
There is also the case of a stronger believer dating a weaker or newer believer. Tim Keller in Meaning of Marriage talks about finding a spouse whom you can see a glimpse of God making them who He wants them to be. If you choose to date a weaker believer, I suggest not expecting him or her to change or grow to where you want them to be. Only God can change them but they also have to want to change themselves.
3. Know where they stand on theological issues.
I used to believe that as long as they loved God, everything will work out. However, the church has separated over many theological issues over the centuries. For example, if you believe in Cessationism, would you be willing to marry someone who believes in Continuationism? If you don’t believe in tongues, can you date someone who practices it and sees it as a mark of salvation? If you believe communion is a remembrance of Christ dying on the cross for our sins, can you marry someone who believes in the holy communion or eucharist and is looking for a church where they hold that belief? These are all very complicated topics as you can see.
“Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.” – Ephesians 5:22-26
I’ve realized that in order to submit to your husband, it’s important to respect your husband’s core beliefs. Moreover, for a husband to lead his wife through the word, it’s important that their beliefs align. I’m not saying this is an absolute deal breaker but it may be difficult for two people with strong opposite opinions to be able to encourage one another in their faith. I have seen couples going to different churches and it is difficult. Furthermore, unlike getting to know someone at church where they teach a similar theology, people online come from different churches with different teachings.
4. Remember that God loves you even if the solid believer you were talking to never replies back.
I have heard from friends who went on dates with solid seminary guys who later decided to ghost them. In the past, I have chatted with one solid believer for a few months only to find out he wasn’t ready for a relationship. Most recently I chatted with someone who was all-in for Jesus but didn’t reply and I felt sad and insecure. Unfortunately, this happens a lot in online dating so I want to encourage you to remember that God loves you even if that person never replies. And though it seems like a loss, there is a reason and God knows best.
“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” – Psalm 139:14
“Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds.” Psalm 36:5-6
What Christian online dating advice do you have?
Walking Not By Sight 